Being Human 3.8: The Definition of a Hot Mess
Posted By Deborah J. Brannon on March 5, 2013
“Your Body is A Condemned Wonderland” is not playing around: if titles were people, this one would already be unrolling the caution tape and pre-chalking the body outlines on the floor. Or maybe holding signs about the end of the world, though they’d be super-personal with slogans like: “You’re going to die!” “Welcome to Zombiedom!” “How’s that comeuppance taste?” “You’re lycanthropy-positive, dude!”
The episode opens with a house divided, as Aidan tries to slink out like a punk teen avoiding his parents. Josh is having none of this tension in his home base, though, and starts pushing for a truce between his werewolf girlfriend and vampire BFF. To do his part, he plans on plying Nora with booze and sex to leave her too worn out to do anything but wave Aidan’s presence off with a self-satisfied smirk. Aidan very nobly does not roll his eyes at the TMI, leaving even Josh/Nora shippers terribly impressed at his forbearance.
It’s too bad that Josh’s plans to butter Nora up on the Aidan front are immediately shot to hell by the Bloody Co-Eds, who have decided the future’s in equal-opportunity harassment. Nora walks in on them heckling Josh. A highly vindictive conversation follows, involving panini-mocking, revelations of sexual assault and murder, and the application of a well-placed frying pan. Josh manages to stick both feet in his mouth while trying to defend Aidan, but both the Bloody Co-Eds and Nora make several good points. Instead of being reminded of why Aidan is their friend, Nora’s just conflicted over Erin’s death and sure of only one thing: “It shouldn’t go this easy when a girl dies. Somebody should pay.”
Sally’s weekly turn further down the spiral also begins with her equal opportunity harassment by the Bloody Co-Eds. Sally’s got worse problems, mainly the Wicked Witch impression she’s pulling as she slowly melts. Well, decomposes. Who better to consult with in the face of impending zombiedom than Nick, fellow resurrectee? Fortunately, Nick is not in full-on, nauseating Nick-and-Zoe mode this episode. Unfortunately, he’s feeding neighborhood cats and acting a little squirrely. I’m sure no one was surprised to discover that he’s also rotting; no, the surprise was that he lied to Sally about it. Though that’s probably because he’s eating the neighbor’s Mr. Fluffy to sustain himself. (RIP, Mr. Fluffy. Though you strut the lawns no longer, you made some abs buff once more.)
Sally, still ignorant concerning the Actual Zombie-Sally-Malik situation, proceeds to pilfer through the funeral home’s cosmetics so she can put together a little Not Dead (No, Really) beauty kit (coming never to a Sephora near you). Max catches her stealing the goods, pitches a fit that she’s a formaldehyde-huffing junkie, and then pitches an even larger fit when Sally actually comes clean. The stunned question “So you’re a non-flesh-eating, super articulate… zombie?” may have been thrown out there. Amazingly, Max manages to deal and even fixes his pushy, undead girlfriend’s face. Sally is quite possibly the first woman to be so very thankful she’s dating a mortician.
(You know, when these witch-types say that only death can pay for life, they never follow that up with the clarification that it’s a monthly subscription.)
Nora, meanwhile, spends the episode having a series of intense encounters. Liam smolders at her with restrained ferocity and lying teeth, giving her a pretty bouquet of wolfsbane in grieving memory of Erin who, oh right, he killed. She has a grimly polite squabble with Aidan in the hospital’s canteen with mutual “we’re all killers here!” commentary, and later meets Josh at a fancy house they can’t afford. Luckily, most of the stress flies out the window when Josh proposes to her in a beautifully down-to-earth moment and then they shag in a stranger’s house. (They will never get another viewing out of that real estate agent. Possibly, they ended up on some sort of Realtor’s Blacklist for Pervs.)
Aidan keeps trying to do the right thing, which will probably wind up on his tombstone one day. He attempts to minimize his contact with Nora, offers an olive branch for Josh’s sake, and even tries to break off his date with Nora’s friend. Kat is having none of Aidan’s nonsense, however, and refuses to let him back out on her. She hooks him with her Early American history wiles and oddball behavior, making her one of my new favorite characters on the show (DO NOT KILL HER, WRITERS). It’s too bad Papa Werewolf shows up with some werelackeys to ruin the day, and Aidan finds himself chained to a torture pulley in short order. Then it’s all over but the yelling, sledgehammering, and injection of tainted blood. It’s all a major downer.
Josh is the man of half-cocked plans, which means he’s just enough of a badass to retrieve Aidan but not enough to put a bullet in Liam’s head when he’s down. So the inevitable happens: Josh gets scratched by a furious Papa Werewolf, though that’s better than the mauling Liam was going for. They even manage to escape him, and drag themselves home to their kitchen-cum-monster-clinic.
The roommates are all falling down: Aidan is infected, with no known cure. Josh is going to Turn next full moon. Sally is decomposing, not that she’s told them. The Monster House is back to being screwed.
Next week: The return of cursed emo Josh! Aidan goes one one last date before the end! Sally eats a mouse! Nick heaves a grateful sigh because he’s no longer alone on the flesh-eating front! And Kenny sulks because he’s “Sir Not Appearing” in This Trailer.
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