Box Office Back Issues: Superman IV (1987)

When the once-proud Superman franchise has fallen into the hands of producers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, you know the glory days are over…or, depending on your taste for their particular flavor of 1980s action cheese, they may have just begun. No matter where you stand, it’s undeniable that 1987’s Superman IV: The Quest For Peace–a well-intentioned but stunningly stupid entry in the series, whose story was partly conceived by star Christopher Reeve–is a pretty far cry from the respectful, epic treatment given the Man of Steel in the 1978 original.

In response to an ongoing game of high-stakes nuclear poker between the world’s superpowers, an obnoxious little kid writes a letter to the United Nations asking why Superman can’t just get rid of all the nuclear weapons on the planet. Superman, feeling particularly adrift given the impending sale of the old family farm in Smallville, and eager to save his adopted world from destruction, decides to take the smarmy brat up on his challenge. The inflammatory headlines dictated by the Daily Planet‘s greedy new owner (“Superman To Jeremy: Drop Dead!”) might have had something to do with it as well. Anyway, Superman collects the various nuclear arsenals of the world and tosses them into the sun. This is particularly easy to do, since every nation involved is more than happy to help him do it–they all basically act as though the nukes just overpowered them all, muscling their way right into their own silos. Everything is swell until Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman, between Oscar wins) is freed from jail by his dorky nephew Lennie (Jon Cryer, sporting an idiotic Valley accent), allowing the criminal genius to combine some pilfered Super-DNA with all those sun-stored missiles to create a new villain named Nuclear Man. Or, if you’re the supposed super-genius Luthor, “Nuke-ular Man”. The stage is set for a series of poorly-staged super-duels, featuring bargain-basement special effects (the same shot of Superman flying towards the camera is reused at least three times, probably more) and convenient new super-powers (Nuclear Man destroys a section of the Great Wall Of China, which Superman then repairs using…telekinetic eyebeams?)

When watching a movie as dumb as Superman IV, it’s important to keep your morale up by focusing on the positive. It isn’t easy, but there are a few things to enjoy here. Mariel Hemingway plays Lacy Warfield, daughter of the Planet’s new owner, and she’s a rich snob who warms up to Clark Kent’s earnest charms. Her transition from nasty to nice happens a bit too quickly, but the idea of the inherent goodness of Clark/Superman rubbing off on others is a cool idea. In his final turn as the title hero, Reeve is still picture-perfect, especially in the melancholy early scenes where Clark returns to a Smallville that has nothing left for him. But there isn’t anything that can salvage this movie–it’s the kind of film where Clark reveals his dual identity to Lois so he can bounce his nuclear dilemma off of somebody, only to give her the same exact amnesia kiss he used on her at the end of Superman II. Kind of a dick move, Supes–how many times have you pulled that trick, exactly? Ultimately, the big flaw at the center of Superman IV is one that pops up in the comics every few years too–you can’t really tell stories about Superman solving humanity’s complicated geopolitical problems, because he can’t. Not in the comics, or in the real world, because the former would be a cheat and the latter would be impossible. Superman IV may have its heart in the right place, but its head is…er, up somewhere else.

 

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