“Yeah, I was just about to tell you to shut up.” – Hockney

To the Middle

To the Middle

He is the littlest suspect, the lawyer with no responsibilities here whatsoever, the stand up comic, a grumpy old man, a chat show host, a celebrity poker player, and an ardent SanFrancisco Giants fan. He is also a better Christopher Walken than Christopher Walken, and rumor has it he has stolen Alan Arkin’s soul. Or he is just that funny little Jew most people call Kevin Pollak. And, if that weren’t enough, he is now an author of one of the most hilarious memoirs I’ve ever read*, How I Slept My Way to the Middle.

Kevin Pollak began a career as a stand up comic, he is happy to tell you, at the age of 10 lip syncing to a Bill Cosby record**. Since then he has moved from acting gig to acting gig, starring alongside the greats of Hollywood, and now has settled into hosting his own internet talk show in which he grills celebrities and other people for two hours about their life, their work, and other fascinating tidbits from the world of show biz and beyond. My first introduction to Kevin Pollak, as another human that exists on planet earth, sadly I’ve never personally met him, was in the film A Few Good Men. He portrayed a NAVY lawyer alongside Tom Cruise and Demi Moore. I had no idea this serious, sardonic man was a seriously hilarious comedian. I next saw him in the amazing crime drama the Usual Suspects. Despite Kevin Spacey totally stealing that film from everyone, Kevin Pollak caught my attention. I then started seeing him in all sorts of places and finally watched a few of his stand up acts on YouTube after I became aware that Pollak is THE William Shatner and Christopher Walken impersonator.

I knew next to nothing about this guy, but I loved everything I ever saw him do. Then, gracious man that he is, Pollak decided to tell the world his life story. How I Slept My Way to the Middle is Pollak on Pollak from the awkward kid in front of the record player to the little guy on the other end of a table interviewing Nathan Fillion, Drew Carey, Sugar Ray Leonard and about 150 other people. Pollak’s life is one that exemplifies making the most of every opportunity.

*[Author’s note: I have not read this book.]

Because I knew Pollak as an entertainer and a storyteller, I could not resist buying the audio version of his autobiography for one simple reason: he reads his own book. By his own admission, the process was more torturous than fun, but the end result is entertaining as hell and I thank him for the pain he endured to raise my enjoyment. Not only does Pollak have a great voice to listen to, but almost every celebrity or person of note that he refers to in his book, he impersonates. What this means is that when Pollak quotes Jack Nicholson, or President Bill Clinton, or Bill Cosby in his book, he seamlessly and seemingly effortlessly transforms his voice into that of Jack or Bill or Bill. Listening to the book, I had no idea, except that I was told, that I wasn’t really listening to former President Clinton or Nicholson, or anyone else Pollak became. He is that good. Suddenly a memoir became a living history. One man’s journey was told through other men’s voices. This was not reading history, this was listening to life.

Pollak certainly pretends to be other people very well, but is also insightful and vastly intelligent. He does not merely relate his life with a joke, he pauses to reflect on the choices he made, and the paths he walked. Pollak is relentless in learning from everything he does, everyone he meets, and everything that happens to him. He cannot help but analyze what he has done. For the reader, or the listener, this yields amazing insight not only into the life of one Kevin Pollak, but also their own life. I spent time evaluating how I conduct myself, how I react to things in my own life based on Pollak’s observations and hard learned truths. I believe, that if he could resist making a joke, Pollak would tell you that he doesn’t consider himself to be a super intelligent philosopher or highly educated scholar (he attended college for 9 months). What Pollak does, with abundant joy and honed skill, is observe. It is part of what makes him such a sharp comedian, and also a great human being.

Read, or listen, to How I Slept My Way to the Middle. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will be moved. Pollak inhabits a fascinating life, is among the most humble Hollywood stars I have ever read or researched, and he might just teach you something.

If you want to encounter the comic in the real world, he tweets frequently @KevinPollak. His chat show is everywhere, but best found on kevinpollakschatshow.com He also has a website at kevinpollak.tv. His book can be found almost anywhere. I purchased the audiobook from iTunes, but it is literally everywhere good books are sold. Find a copy, and I highly recommend listening to it. I still haven’t read it, but I’ve listened twice.

**[Author’s note: a record is like a CD, but made of vinyl. A CD is like…you know what: ask your parents or an adult over 25. They can explain it to you. The short version is: a device for playing sound.]

 

 

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